Selfish As Selfish Comes
by Saf Dawnheart
Summary: I never could figure out what you see in that dreck... — onesided Asch/Tear, Luke/Tear.


Uhhh... hi. (awkward) Sorry for the crack pairing; the muse wouldn't leave me alone.

BUT! There IS Luke/Tear! (bricked by fangirls) x.x

So, um, yeah. Title's from the lyrics of Teasing to Please by Cute is What We Aim For. The song fits Asch in this so well it isn't even funny. (Weird, because I was listening to the song while rereading this, and I thought "wow, this fits... -titles-")

**_Disclaimer-_** Don't I wish.

* * *

I never could figure out what you saw in that dreck.

It never fails to amaze me, even now: the way your blue eyes light up when you see him – the crudely-cut red hair, the green eyes that still shine with the hint of naïveté that sparks my temper almost at once.

Dear Lorelei, I feel like one of those stupid bird-watchers that always visited Baticul when I was young.

But yes, it's true that I'm fascinated with the way you act around my replica. I hate having to admit it, but as I lie wide awake in this room in Chesedonia, I'm more comfortable admitting it to myself.

* * *

I'm not really sure when it started, but it was probably the first time I saw you training with Legretta. You were eternally curious, eyes always sparkling with the need to learn more, with admiration for your mentor.

I wondered if you knew about Van's plan to overturn the Score; if you did, I reflected bitterly, then you probably wouldn't be so eager to trust him and Legretta.

My eyes squeeze shut at the remembrance of how reckless and stupid I'd been back then. It couldn't have been more obvious how much I opposed Van and what he was doing.

Maybe that was how I learned to hide my emotions, the reason why I act the way I do now. Either way, I didn't care whether or not I was discovered, just that I got my job done as quickly as possible.

You weren't nearly as arrogant when you found out. No, you were exactly the opposite: you put in meticulous planning, went up to the Outer Lands in order to make sure your brother's insane ideals never came to fruition.

Maybe that was when I started noticing you less as my superior's younger sister, and more as a clever young soldier who had a more substantial idea of what she was doing than a God-General.

* * *

When Akzeriuth fell and you and the replica – no, I will never address him as anything more than "replica"; it still burns me to think of how he took over my life – headed to Yulia City for shelter, I followed. Secretly, my pulse had spiked at the thought of seeing you again. It's stupid as hell, I know, but I guess I kind of assumed that you would be as happy to see me as I was to see you.

Honestly, it wasn't a crush so much as a strange, aching fascination that refused to leave me alone. You plagued my dreams, popped up in my head at the most unwelcome moments. It was irritating as… as… Lorelei, I can't even begin to describe it! I couldn't get you out of my mind, and I thought your presence would help abate it so I could get on with my life.

I suppose you could say my confession that _I_ was the true Luke fon Fabre came of its own accord. You tried to stop me; I remember that.

Did you care for him even then?

I defeated the replica easily in combat; originals are nearly always stronger than the replica, after all. He fell into a deep coma, leaving me to lead his idiotic little bunch.

Yes, even then they considered him their "leader", just because he was the so-called ambassador. Hmph. A sarcastic, lazy old Malkuth colonel, a gold-digging Fon Master Guardian, wimpy little Fon Master Ion, my former servant who had sworn eternal vengeance upon my family…

Natalia was the only one I cared about. To this day, I suppose that's still true. Even though she holds a fragment of my past that causes a lump in my throat to rise, all I can remember when I look at her is our promise.

_Let's work to change our country. For the rest of our lives. _Together.

_Together._

It was that little word that got me the most – for wasn't that a knight's job, to protect his princess and help her change their country?

What I felt about you was an unpleasant mixture of guilt and the distinct thought that, with this, I was, in a way, betraying Kimlasca. Looking back, it was stupid, but it was how I felt.

* * *

You didn't want to come back up to the Outer Lands; you said you had no business returning there. I should have just dismissed your words as being content at being home. But even as I was looking up the replica data in Ortion Cavern, your words bothered me; buzzed inside my brain like a fly I couldn't bat away.

Did you care for my replica even then? Despite his spoiled and arrogant attitude, did you truly want to give him the second chance he thought he deserved?

After Ortion Cavern, the next time I saw you and the replica, he had short hair and you stuck closer to his side than ever before. I didn't speak face to face with your group, but the way he held himself, the earnest tone of his voice suggested he had changed.

I could understand his desire for redemption. But the way you looked at him irritated me, for a reason I still can't bring myself to name.

Things were mostly uneventful after that. You and the others defeated Van at the Absorption Gate, and due to my replica's weaker hyperresonance I had to head to the Radiation Gate to support him.

When I headed to Baticul and inadvertently fell into my replica's plan to see my parents, it wasn't like speaking to you occurred to me. I was too busy thinking about how many holes my sword could poke in the dreck before he died.

At the Tower of Rem, I suppose, is where it all fell apart.

* * *

Damn it, I was perfectly ready to die along with the rest of those replicas. I had been ready to die for a long time; at least with this my death would fulfill a purpose.

But _no._ You and your little redhead had to come along and mess it all up.

The stupid dreck wasn't even aware of the pain he was causing you as he raised the Key of Lorelei, ready to dissipate his own fonons in order to rid the world of the miasma. Even now, I remember the look of grief and distress on your face. Guy had to hold you back to keep you from rushing over and joining that oblivious, stupid replica, which is quite the feat for him, considering his phobia.

So, I guess that was why I felt compelled to help him.

If only to wipe that look of sorrow and fear off your face, of course.

Now here we all stand, inches away from the final fight at Eldrant, and ending Van's twisted ideals for good.

Yet… something is still missing.

Suddenly my eyes widen and I sit up in bed. Footsteps sound outside my room, disappearing off toward the upward staircase I'd noticed on my way here.

_Hm._

I know from following you and the others that you're the only ones besides me staying at the inn tonight. So, I tell myself, it's not like I'll just be following some random person upstairs.

Quickly I don my tabard, run a quick hand through my bangs to get them back off my face, strap my sword to my belt – one never knows what's going to happen; it's best to be prepared – and leave the room as quietly as I can.

Only when I reach the top of the stairs do I realize that this stairwell leads onto the roof. And before me, I see the two people who have been plaguing my thoughts tonight.

_Shit._ I crouch low, hoping I won't be seen.

"Tomorrow…" you're saying.

"Yeah." My replica – _your_ stupid, naïve little redhead – laughs, and his voice is tainted with a bitter sadness. "I hope my body holds together until then."

Your sigh is barely audible from where I watch, but I hear it all the same. I look on with my heart in my throat as you walk over to sit beside him.

"It will."

The replica inhales sharply. "Tear…"

"Tomorrow," you continue, "and the day after, and on and on…"

"Tear…" He takes a deep breath and looks over; I wonder if his heart is pounding as hard as mine. "I…"

You meet his abyss-green gaze with your own sapphire eyes. "Hm? What is it?"

My shoulders sag slightly. I've heard enough.

I turn away and descend the staircase. My bangs slip back into my eyes again, and I half-heartedly reach up to push them back.

When I get back to my room, I shove all my gels and food into my bag.

Somehow I know I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

* * *

The knowledge that I'm going to die tomorrow is there as well, and it's like a thorn, digging into my side with every step I take.

I've already called Ginji to bring over the Albiore III. The blond man stands at the entrance. "Hi, Asch. I brought the Albiore, just like you said."

I give him a nod, but don't say anything more. My mind is still whirling from the encounter on the roof.

I chance a glance upward to the top of the hotel. No tiny shapes greet my searching eyes.

Looking back at Ginji, my mouth quirks upward into a small, self-deprecating smirk.

_So, Tear… are you going to care as much as Luke and Natalia when I'm gone?_

_

* * *

_

Standard ending complaints applied.

Yes, it was meant to end like that. Poor Aschy... and he dies the next day, too... (sniffle)

So, yeah. Tell me if Asch was OOC; it's really hard to write him in a romantic role XD


End file.
